I apologize for my year (okay, like year and a half) Unfortunately, I've been unable to update due to circumstances beyond my control. You see, as some of you may know, I am somewhat of an airhead playboy type. I mean, for most of my 'adult' life I've done nothing but drink, party, and waste my trust fund. I certainly had no idea how my trust worked...my money guy basically did all of that. Well, around the time of my last update, he came to me at a cocktail party, telling me of a great stock tip he had heard about. The catch was...it was a Japanese stock, only available on the Japanese stock exchange. In order to buy it, he needed 15 mil in cash. Turns out he was on his way to Tokyo the next day, on a yacht no less, to buy the stock. Well, I pulled some strings, got the cash ready, and went to hand it off. At the last second, I decided "hey, I've never been to Japan" so I told him I was coming. All of a sudden he got nervous, but really couldn't tell me no...after all, it was my company's yacht.
Midway through our trip, he slipped me a ruffee and threw me overboard! Fortunately, I didn't drown, but rather washed up on the shore of a desert island. I woke up a couple of hours later. Naturally I freaked...this place was abandoned, with hardly any resources, and no Starbucks. Over the course of the upcoming months, I was forced to rely on my skills and ingenuity to survive. Out of some driftwood and sea weed I fashioned a make-shift bow and arrow and over time became quite adept at hunting. By the time a year had gone by, I was an olympic class archer. I was also deeply humbled and in the time I wasn't building my tree-dwellings or hunting, I reflected on the waste my life had been up until that point. I vowed, if I ever returned to Star City...I mean Virginia Beach...I would become a force of good in this world.
Around May, I started to explore the rest of the island. Imagine my surprise when I found a building...and honest to God dwelling! As I explored further, I noticed some men with guns, and women and children in chains. It turns out I had stumbled on a workshop for pure China white! And, as irony would have it, I also found my money guy! Turns out he wasn't using my money for any venture capital firm in Tokyo...he was using it to buy into an internation drug cartel! Knowing I couldn't sit by idlely as these people in chains suffered, or as my family's fortune went to support drug dealers, I ran back to my tree-dwelling and fashioned more arrows. Rather than just a basic arrow, I also realized I would need a few tricks up my sleeve. I therefore fashioned some 'trick' arrows. One which spread sand and dust when it hit its target, and another which contained a kelp net I orginially intended to use to catch fish.
Under cover of darkness, I returned to the drug warehouse. Using two arrows, I quickly incapacitated the guards and prepared to free the slaves. Of course, my money guy found me, and after an intense dueling of words, a fierce fight broke out, resulting in him falling to his death. I then broke into the camp where the women and children were being held captive, and also used their radio to call international authorities. Not wanting to complicate matters further, I snuck the keys to my yacht and prepared my journey home. After such a harrowing ordeal, I knew I could never just return to life 'as normal.' So by night, I use my new skills to defend the defenseless and protect my city.
When I'm not doing that, I promise to actually update my blog more regularly. Expect some big things soon...maybe even $240 worth of big things.
December 12, 2007 10:06 PM PST
Freaking awesome. If it weren't for the "my company" in the first bit I was half believing it was true. Keep the entertainment coming.
December 12, 2007 08:30 AM PST
At long last! I knew you couldn't be dead. All those skeptics who said Paris won... I knew they were lying!
December 12, 2007 01:10 AM PST
An anticipated comeback only beaten by the Van Halen Reunion Tour.
Glad to hear that you made it back to America!
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